What Are The Odds?

My guess is people who gamble or play the lottery know that the odds are stacked against them. I know my odds at finding someone worth keeping is small. Unfortunately, they also get worse as each year flashes past me. People who have been married once, the odds are only 50/50 they will stay married. But someone who has been divorced twice? I might as well bet against myself. But I have been described as an eternal optimist. I wear a bracelet with my life motto inscribed on it, “The Best is Yet to Come.” Is that just something I say to keep myself from being a terribly depressed, sniveling, lump on the couch? No, I truly believe it.

But I also believe facts, and odds are stacked against me in this dating game. Despite that, my player’s piece is on the table. I roll the dice, and pray, and ask God to bring about a happy end to my story. I do trust God with my life. I always have. I know that He loves me, and orchestrates events to help me learn to be more like Him. I don’t believe he will plunk down the right man in front of my eyes if I spend all my time waiting around for it. So I’ve been looking. I’m in the game. And the man I wrote about in my last entry came to see me last week. I will call him Jack. I’ve always liked that name.

Last week at this time, I was excited to meet him in person. My nails were done, my car was washed, I was 100% excited to see how the weekend would unfold. He is 16 years my senior. I knew I’d have to determine if that was going to become a negative or neutral factor. I knew he was shorter than any guy I’ve dated, and I wasn’t sure how I’d react to that either. But everything else about him, I was sure I’d enthusiastically adore and I was right. He was a PERFECT gentleman. He was interesting to talk with, conscientious, funny, warm, engaging, and handsome.

We had an awesome three days filled with great meals, shows, conversations, and glimpses into deeper parts of each other’s being. He was also a pretty good kisser! I can’t kiss a slobbery kisser. That is a dealbreaker. But Jack was posh without being flashy about it. He was in command without being pushy. He was intelligent without being condescending. He was nearly perfect. No one is perfect, and of course, he wasn’t but, he was amazing.

He even asked for a heart-to-heart halfway through the weekend and told me that he had serious intentions but didn’t want to go too fast, and wanted to keep things light and casual. No promises of exclusivity, no declarations of love. As he talked my heart melted because that is the opposite of what most men do with me. Most declare their love almost immediately, and from then on, I know, I will need to be the one to push on the brakes. I was so grateful for his words. I was 100% in the moment from the day we met to the day I kissed him goodbye.

Now, I’m in this awkward position of feeling completely FREE to feel whatever I want about him. There was zero emotional manipulation. ZERO…so I’m realizing actually this is the first time ever that a man has not tried to put his hooks in me. Is he really that secure? Was every other man I’ve ever dated really that insecure? It’s an honest question!?

Today it will have been a week, and we’ve texted every day a few times and shared some pics of things happening around us but there has been no statement other than me saying that I wished it was last Thursday again…in terms of sadness that we are apart. The truth is, I’m not sad we’re apart. I’m really happy that he is helping his son move. And I’m really happy I’m getting time to process the four days we spent together. Odd.

Does that mean there was no spark? I don’t think so, because there was a spark. Does that mean he isn’t interested? I don’t think so because he said he was interested. Crazy that this healthy, normal behavior feels so ODD.

So if this is what healthy feels like…bring it on. Do I smile when I think about him? YES. Do I smile when I get a text? YEP. Do I wonder how long it will take until I see him again? I do. Am I ok if it takes a few months? I guess so. All I know is this. There is no reason to shut this down. Not even his age. Not even his height. Not even the fact that he lives in Miami, Florida which is over 2,000 miles away. So what are the odds that this thing will work out? I think they are better now. I’m not gonna fold my cards on this one. I’m still in the game.