Latest Entries
Memories of Peonies
Finding Strength

Memories of Peonies

I see him everywhere and nowhere.  Its like a mean joke right now.  Someday I will hold them dear but right now every memory reminds me that he is gone. My heart aches as if its the first time, every time.  That pain is so very real.  It’s not in my head.  It’s physical pain. Tears come in an instead and then dry on my cheeks.  I stopped wiping them away weeks ago. Continue reading

Life is Excruciating
Finding Strength

Life is Excruciating

I wanted to scream at them and tell them to love each other instead of argue.  Tears streamed from my eyes and I had no breath left to breathe.  I was paralyzed and stuck in that memory and in near rage…much like a rage of a storm on the shore, like a wave crashing hard against the sand.  And before I knew it I sucked a bunch of air into my lungs as if God restarted my heart and I let out a long slow breath and I knew God was with me, telling me it was ok to be sad. Continue reading

Mercy
Marriage / True Love

Mercy

The music stopped and someone ushered me away just outside the room where 1000 people started to pray for him.  It seemed like an eternity before the paramedics came and took us by ambulance to the hospital.  I heard them say they used the defibrillator three times to no avail.  I knew in my heart when I caught him he had taken his last breath. Continue reading