There are two categories of criminal; the delusional psychopaths and the garden variety people who break the law out of poor judgement for whatever reason. Similarly, there are two kinds of people who end up hurting others in their personal lives. And I think one deserves a different kind of treatment. Let me explain…
There is a psychotic, radical, Islamist in Nigeria kidnapping little girls from western-style schools and then selling them into marriages because he believes women are put on this planet to be married, not to learn. In fact his direct quote was, “I abducted a girl at a Western education school and you are disturbed. I said Western education should end. Western education should end. Girls, you should go and get married.” This delusional and dangerous man believes he is doing a good thing. He should be stopped. He will not do it on his own.
Then, there are people who rob, steal, even murder, not because they think they’re doing something good but because they are either desperate, financially or emotionally. There is still no excuse for their actions and they should be punished, but they are not bad people at their core. They just made bad choices and most of these people are able to get rehabilitated back into society.
Personally speaking, when my ex-husband left me to raise my two teenage children alone, he definitely made a hurtful and bad choice. But I remember how torn he was in doing so. He knew what he was doing was bad and never tried to convince himself that he was justified. He has since apologized to me on multiple occasions. He did a bad thing, but he is not a bad person. I hope one day he will be able to have a good solid marriage.
On the other hand, there is a man who hurt me on purpose because he thought he was completely justified in his actions and still does. He lied from day one leading me to believe he was one thing (an eligible, Christian man who would love me and honor me and wanted to marry me) but who was very much someone very different (a very married man, who lied about just about everything because it kept me around and that is what he wanted. No matter who he hurt along the way including his wife, kids, my kids, and me. Who behaved in the most un-Christian manner when his lies were brought to light and who always rationalized what he did by denigrating my character.) He stood in church to give his testimony before his baptism, telling the congregation what a good person he was and calling me his fiancé, while his wife sat in their home, that they shared, in the same town. At the time, his testimony struck me as odd because he didn’t seem to “get” that being a Christian was about humbling yourself as unworthy without Christ, not puffing yourself up. When I found out weeks later that he was in fact still married and living at home, the pieces started to fall in place.
He still believes that he didn’t do anything wrong and is a great husband and father and person. But he is truly pathological. When our pastor found out the truth about him, he told me how lucky I was to have escaped, because he was a very dangerous man. It is a ruthless individual who will seek his own pleasure at others expense.
There are lots of guys out there who are cheaters. But it is a rare breed who takes it to the level of proposing, and planning a wedding while they are still married while having no intention of following through. That is ruthlessly mean.
I’ve sorted through it all with the help of Harry who has always been patient and loving to me regarding this situation. But part of me still wants to see justice done. He is a bad person in his core. I know for a fact I’m not the only one this has happened to, and I’m so afraid he’s going to hurt someone else. This delusional and dangerous man believes he is good. He should be stopped. He will not do it on his own.
I would never think to speak about my ex-husband in an unfavorable way to people who know him. But I would not think twice from warning people to not trust this liar. There is a big difference which requires a different kind of treatment. With this individual it is not just about if I’m able to forgive him for what he did to me. I could forgive him easily if we just did not work out. But it’s not like that …he deliberately deceived me from day one for two years.
To this day, this man is friending random people on Facebook who are my friends and affiliated with my church. He lives in England, 6000 miles away, and has visited my hometown with his wife since our break up. I do not live in a tourist town by any means. He currently has an active dating page online that lists himself as divorced and yet on Facebook passes himself off as a happily married Christian man. Sick. The thought of him literally makes my skin crawl that I ever let him close to me and my kids.
I know for a fact he will pounce on his next victim if given the chance. The radical Islamist said he will kidnap again and the world is outraged because those girls are innocent victims. And I’m outraged that this man is free to do what he did to me again to another innocent, naïve, trusting woman. I’m outraged for his wife and kids who are stuck with him. I’m outraged that he is such a good con-man that people don’t even realize they’re being sucked into believing outright lies.
Jesus saved his highest form of anger to those who were hypocritical about their faith and who undermined the faith of others for their own gain. I know that when this man dies, justice will be done. But in the meantime I will not sit by when others could fall prey to him. There is a place for righteous anger.